February 25, 2006 (Saturday)

An Autobiographical Entry: On being yourself

“To be or not to be, that is the question.” Whenever I hear this line, I never fail to stop and admire Shakespeare’s pure genius. Such a clinical and succinct dissection of the follies and fallibilities of humans has had the power of bestowing upon us the perception to penetrate the confusing fog of our problems and see them as they really are. Prince or pauper, noble or commoner, whether it be in the pursuit of distinguishment or the struggle to stare down difficulties, it is imperative that our personalities and the qualities that we stand for remain unadulterated at the end of the day. That is the true measure of our success. This is what enables us to stand upright at the end of each day with the quiet satisfaction that we have overcome the world.

Despite my young age of fifteen, I can certainly claim ownership to certain distinguished experiences which many might not have had the opportunity to encounter. Most certainly, it was due to my rather unthinking and foolish acts that I can make this doubtfully-honourable claim this very day.

Somehow or rather, trouble seems to be rather attached to me, in some ways that I cannot ever possibly hope to comprehend. It became rather of a soul mate in primary-school, where I was a very mischievous student. One particular incident has left an indelible mark in my mind. Although I was inclined to attribute the cause of such a brouhaha to teacher incompetency; upon retrospection, I find that it was a wholly hilarious affair that only served to deepen my appreciation of Shakespeare’s line.

I still can vividly remember the events that morning in the stifling monotony of the classroom environment. Somebody managed to cut up a face in a piece of cardboard, fashioning it into some type of grotesque mask, after which he passed around. However, what started out as an innocuous joke slowly evolved into a prank of monstrous proportions. Our classmates used their creative juices and started adding bushy eyebrows, a pig-like snout and other facial features, writing on the back of the mask the person whom they drew. This was then passed around, and on one occasion, I glanced at it, only to see my name on it!

Normally, I was known for my cool-headedness and my well-mannered ways, but that was one occasion I got sucked into so much so that, for a moment, no recognizable shred of my usual self remained. I found the figure incredibly offending, but yet, a small part of me also found it amusing and wanted to carry on the prank by writing someone else’s name on the mask. As I looked at my classmates’ giggling faces, this yearning became so insistent that I eventually capitulated to its demands. It took me the most part of ten minutes to design unique and special facial expressions, my very own Frankenstein.

To my utter dismay, just after I had finished my handiwork, my teacher turned around and, spotting me, expressed a look of disbelief, marched to my table, rapped me smartly on the knuckles, and of course, paid no heed to the artistic value of the mask, reprimanding me soundly for the prank instead and telling me to write an apology letter to make up for the insults I had insinuated against my victim. Her words then ranked among the most hurtful and cutting that I have ever heard, and I was most sorely affected by them.

Despite this grievous injustice done against me, I decided then to be magnanimous and move on. I never really gave it much thought after that, except for the unexplainable tendency to painstakingly avoid that teacher as much as possible. But when I grew up, as I reflected on that issue, I found that I could have avoided such acrimony by just sticking to my usual habits of minding my own business and demonstrating full respect towards others. My moment of folly – my playfulness – entangled me in a web of trouble I did not get out of easily.

Certainly, from then on, whenever I encounter such situations, I always try to apply Shakespeare’s wisdom: To always be myself, to stand resolute and unmovable in the face of temptation or difficulties. When I was young, I used to have numerous such episodes as the one told above, but as I learnt how to keep true to myself, these incidents decreased in frequency. In this aspect, friends can add helping hands along the way and they also can play a part in being a source of emotional comfort and companionship; but they can have a negative effect if their opinions differ and as a result, try to sway us into agreeing with them. In such situations, it just boils down to whether we can keep our feet firm and resist any impulse to blindly follow our friends’ words, choosing to analyse the situation clearly before making any decision.

In the 21st century, as we step into the Information and Technology Age, the Internet and media open doors into a whole array of phantasmagoric sensations. Being a student in Raffles Institution further exposes me to many other opportunities in various fields. No doubt, I have won a few awards in some competitions since primary school, in academic arenas such as science and mathematics and in the sporting arena such as chess and badminton, but I have chosen to regard them like a gentle breeze of cool wind. When running the race of life, we often need many such drafts to refresh ourselves and keep ourselves firmly fixated on our ultimate goals, but these drafts cannot be so strong that they become gusts of wind which may retard our progress and hinder us instead.

“To be or not to be, that is the question.” When we have remained true to ourselves, we would have become the true victors of Life.